0:00:00 - Joanna
Welcome to the Her First podcast. Her First is a podcast to help online business owners, coaches and creators gain the confidence needed to build a successful business while creating sustainable lifestyle balance. We are here to help you prioritize yourself in your business and life. In this episode, I'm going to be interviewing my co-host, Michelle Pualani, and we're talking about the feeling of drowning that so many creators and online business owners often experience from overextending, over committing and undervaluing themselves. Let's get into it. So, Michelle, a resident expert on self-care and healthy lifestyle habits, I want to ask you some common questions we see from content creators and digital entrepreneurs as they navigate balancing personal self-care practices while running their empire, so to speak. Let's start off with your experience with self-care. I know that you struggled with burnout in the past. Can you tell us more about that and how it affected your life and business as a result?
0:00:59 - Michelle
Absolutely so. I do have a story of burnout and it's not sort of your typical nine to five, which is, I feel like we hear that a lot in the nine to five corporate space because of the employee mentality, but I feel like business owners are much more subject to it and there is sometimes a perception from the outside world that we're so lucky to get to be doing what it is that we want to be doing and we get to govern our own schedules and we get to take the time off that we need and we can work from anywhere. We kind of brought this up the other day when you were talking about having other people think that you don't work that hard because you work from home. There's a perception of that, and so when we're expressing struggles or frustration, sometimes that's not met with as much empathy, because we have our own businesses and we are the ones running the show. All that to be said, I'll give you a little bit of my story and what really caused the burnout for me. So, thinking back to 2019, when this all started coming to the surface, is that I was a full-time fitness instructor at the time and I was teaching up to 24 classes a week. If you're not familiar with fitness instructions of a lot. It's a very, very heavy schedule. Most people in the yoga community teaching community they're teaching six classes a week, 10 classes a week, and they're usually doing additional things. And so, since that was what I was solely focused on, I had an impacted schedule bar yoga, functional fitness, personal training.
At the time, I was also creating an online course for Daily Elm and then I was trying to launch my own online presence in one of my side businesses or businesses at the time, her Healthy Habits. That was already a lot as it was, and at the time, I was hosting Thanksgiving my husband and I, at our home for our entire family, and with that comes all of the undue stress and pressure of being a homemaker and having that nurturing, caring mentality and also feeling that mental burden and load everything that we share about in this podcast of having to be the one who takes care of it, having to be the one who cleans everything up, gets everything ready, does the shopping, does the prep, make sure that we have everything that we need in order to move through the holidays successfully. And so, after that happened, I felt a huge sense of emotional, physical and energetic fatigue and it absolutely and completely wore me down. It put me into this forced rest in which I felt like I could not do anything, like I felt somewhat incapacitated to show up for the things that I needed to show up for. I canceled social events you know, friends, baby showers that I cared so deeply about showing up to. I felt like I couldn't go.
I started canceling classes or showing up to classes and just kind of getting through them, and it put everything on pause for a very, very long time.
I spent most of my time kind of on the couch watching either TV or binge watching rom-cons, because I felt like I couldn't handle or navigate what I was going through at the time.
And now we don't have the time to get into the fact that this was all avoidance for a deeper rooted issue that I was struggling with and anxiety that came up as a result of that. That has been a whole journey of personal development and growth in and of itself, in which I've had to uncover the layers of emotion that I had been suppressing for years and years, but the result of this being that I had to put my entire business on a shelf. The burnout led me to question my competence as a coach and it created this domino effect of guilt, shame and insecurity that put me at a disadvantage for everything else that I was trying to accomplish and do at the time. So, in a nutshell, that is kind of my experience with burnout. That's how I felt like I was putting the pressure on myself and I was over committing myself. I was overextending myself in all of these different areas of my life and instead of being able to pull back from that consciously, I completely wiped out, hit a wall and just had to put everything on pause.
0:05:31 - Joanna
And you just, yeah, you had to basically just stop and do nothing, and that's really fascinating to me. I haven't known you for that long but I cannot picture you like that, like I can't picture you just being in a stuck state. You seem so calm and steady and mindful of those things that the idea of you being burnt out in that way just seems so foreign to me. And again, I haven't known you for that long, but that just seems like such a foreign concept and that makes so much sense.
0:06:04 - Michelle
And I have to just say like I was so embarrassed about this for so long because I felt like I didn't identify as this person. I felt like these things, that I was feeling this almost like suffering struggle. Experience was not who I was, and so why couldn't I just show up as my normal motivated, grounded self? It was a complete disconnection from who I felt like I was meant to be versus how I was showing up on a daily basis.
0:06:35 - Joanna
That's so interesting and now you talk a lot about self-care. This is really important to you and you have experience getting yourself out of that funk, that problem. I'd love to kind of know, with all of that in mind, what does self-care mean to you and what is it not Like? That's really important and something I think we can hone in on is what self-care is, cause some people would think, like sitting and binge watching a romcom, is self-care right? And maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I'd love to know your perspective on that.
0:07:08 - Michelle
Yes, so the self-care concept is something that I think that I love and embrace and also struggle and fight with. So at the time, if you had asked me whether I practiced self-care, I would have told you yeah, absolutely, I worked out. I eat super well. At the time, I think that I was also doing like cryotherapy and red light therapy and I was taking time out for myself and practicing mindfulness and I was doing all of the theoretical things that we see as self-care Taking the walks. I had time for my you know time for my relationships and everything else. Yes, like my schedule was really busy and I was doing a lot of things, but I still felt like I was carving out the time and space. But you mentioned that watching a rom-com can be considered self-care and it's true, because the perception with which we're seeing what we're doing and acknowledging ourselves and identifying that this is what I need in the moment that I need it is exactly what self-care really is. It can be any activity for you, any way of being, any system, any thought pattern that's supportive to your overall mental, emotional or physical well-being. Now, the amount of television and the amount of movies that I was watching was again an avoidance technique, an avoidance tool, a coping mechanism that I was using and I had to learn that Was watching one movie or an episode, a great self-care tool that I still practice today and that I still enjoy? Yes, absolutely, but where I had gotten with my quote, unquote self-care practices was in a state of trying to mark something off of a to-do list and something that I felt like I had to do. So these activities that can theoretically be really positive for you, that people suggest that you do, that can be recommended and great advice, as kind of a general statement, they're positive. But when they become something that is necessary, that is required, that you have on your to-do list or your schedule and now you're starting to dread doing or you feel like you have to drag yourself to do it, that's when things start to tip over to unhealthy or they lack self-care.
And what I've actually found through my own experience is that I feel that even though I was practicing on the surface and I was doing the activities and I was going through the motions, I wasn't practicing self-compassion. And so I found that even though externally I was doing these things, internally I was still experiencing a huge amount of pressure, comparison and judgment, so I was giving myself all of this mental chatter, all of this negative self-talk that fueled this undue pressure and stress, and feeling that I really wasn't enough Like me myself and I, independent of finances, independent of being an educator, independent of being a coach, independent of all of these identities being a sister, being a partner, being a friend, that I was value and worthy as I was and that I cared for myself, that I loved myself, that I was being compassionate with myself. That wasn't happening, and so all of the self-care activities were simply just a mask and a cover-up. So self-care really isn't when you feel like it's a chore on your to-do list, when it's just something that you have to do, that you need to do. It's not something that has to be done every single day again in your schedule as a hard and fast.
And I think that self-care has this really beautifully painted picture, based on what we see on social media and in our entertainment space, that it's aesthetically pleasing, that it's beautiful, that it's expensive or that it is about skincare or facials or massages and we even had this conversation on another episode about getting your nails done.
All of those things can be self-care practices, but if we're using them for the wrong reason or we're we individually are perceiving them in a certain way, then they are detrimental and they're no longer self-care practices. So it's really just about finding the activities, the ways of being, the thought patterns that support again your mental, physical and emotional well-being and that can look like anything, whether that's just taking breaths, whether that's doing a puzzle, whether that is just staring blankly or whether that's watching something, or whether that's spending time with a certain person. It really doesn't have to look any certain way. And I think that's the biggest and most important thing that I took out of my experience is that I had to change how I viewed self-care and what it meant for me. That was going to bring me joy. It was going to actually fulfill me.
0:12:27 - Joanna
That's a really interesting, really interesting perspective on that topic. I think one of the things for me in my life when it comes to self-care is well, this podcast is about is like putting yourself actually putting yourself first, and I think one thing I've always done is, when it comes to some of the basic human needs like think about nutrition, movement, sleep it has been really easy for me to say, well, my sleep doesn't matter that much. It's more important that I hit this deadline. My personal nutrition doesn't matter that much. So, since I'm not needing to provide a meal for anyone else, I'm just going to eat some chips for lunch, because that's what's easy and quick, so I can get back to my work.
Exercise Well, my own physical well-being isn't important. I might make space for other people to have their own physical well-being. My daughter gets her exercise, my husband gets his exercise, but mine's not important. It can be really easy for me Even forget about doing something I enjoy, like getting sleep, drinking water, those basic things you need for your life. It's easy for me to push those off because if it's for me, it's not important. So for me, thinking about taking care of myself, sometimes even preparing a healthy meal just for me can be put aside at that base level. And I know when I do those things, when I'm drinking water, getting sleep, eating fruits and vegetables at every meal and protein at every meal, those things just basic taking care of yourself stuff feels like self-care to me, honestly, and it's tough because when I hear you talk about those things, I think of a lot of moms in that circumstance.
0:14:14 - Michelle
And I actually saw this video the other day a really successful content creator I believe her name is Elyse Myers, but she was speaking to the fact that she just felt like she couldn't practice self-care and she didn't really find that she connected with this idea and this concept of self-care and that sometimes even just taking a shower is a struggle. And you're talking about these very foundational things like eating wholesome, healthy food really doesn't even need to be self-care, because it's what we can be doing on a very consistent basis. Like sleep, that's something that we as human beings need to simply recharge and refuel. You know it's not self-care or indulgent to expect or want to get eight hours of sleep, seven to eight hours, but we have this consistent narrative around what's expected of us. Or, oh, I don't really need to sleep that much. Or yeah, let me get this taken care of instead because it's a higher priority. So when you have the opportunity to feel like, oh, I get to enjoy this thing for myself, I think it's such a positive and wonderful thing. And then what can you additionally add on to that? What can be that luxurious thing that you do that is just for you? Like we talked about the nails for you, like that feels like an experience of self-care not sitting down to do it necessarily, but having your nails done because that's just for you. No one else was looking for that, no one else needs that to happen. But how can that show up in the rest of our lives? Like that's what I encourage you to question and the listener you to question of how can, throughout my day, I practice self-care and compassion in everything that I do, so that self-care doesn't look like okay, well, I practice self-care Sundays and I carve out an hour of time for myself to do my facial and my nails and I do my hair and all of those things. That's awesome, but it's not a lifestyle.
At that point You're basically going 24 seven. You're running around, you're meeting everybody else's needs, you're on this cycle, it's that hamster wheel, whatever it looks like on a day-to-day basis. And then, oh, I'm gonna take my hour of self-care and I get that. That's less. It feels less realistic for a lot of us. I understand that and at that time of that burnout stage for me, I felt the same way.
But self-care is a mindset, it's a mentality that we take into how we navigate the space. All of the boundaries that we talk about. Setting up boundaries is a self-care practice, you know. Taking time out to prepare your schedule for the week so that you don't feel as crammed or tight, that is self-care. Organizing and looking at your finances, that is a self-care practice. Just any way in which you can better promote your own physical, emotional, mental wellbeing Nutrition, sleep, fitness that all fits into it. But again, that's almost like the basic level pieces. So how can you start to kind of get those things into play? And then what are those next steps? What are the things beyond that that you're probably not even imagining for yourself right now because it's just a day today, it's just. I just have to get these things done and taken care of. So that's my challenge.
0:17:48 - Joanna
And that's so great. I like that. I'm glad we can have these conversations because you can definitely help me with this. So one of the things that's a super hot topic right now that people are talking about I've seen tech talks about it, instagram posts is the concept of balance being impossible. So people will like list out all of the hours in a day and say it's impossible to work, commute, clean your house, do all of this stuff and actually have that work-life balance or a life balance. So it's very common for balance to be considered impossible for most of us. We've heard it, you've heard it, we all hear it all the time what's your take on balance and how can we think about incorporating that into running a business?
0:18:34 - Michelle
Excellent question and I know that likely for you. I know that I felt this in the past and for our listeners, that they agree with this, that they've bought into this narrative, and I know that if you're listening right now, you may absolutely feel that balance is completely impossible. And I get that. There's this sense sometimes of chaos in our lives, this overwhelm in our lives kids, full-time work, side hustle, rent or mortgage that you have to maintain groceries, laundry, partner, social obligations, simply kind of trying to be creative in your business, show up for the content, be able to manage all the things, whether you have team members or whether you're doing it all yourself. And I understand that this leads to a point of exhaustion. And I hear that when I say balance is possible, that it can be really frustrating and it can be annoying and it can be aggravating, and you can feel like, oh, it's not fair for you to say that, and I'll get into something in a minute to share what I hear when people say balance isn't possible and why it frustrates and aggravates me. But when I've coached or talked about this in the past, I like to think about some larger names and I know that this comparison has been made before of like, yeah, we all have the same amount of time in a day, which is true objectively, we all have 24 hours in one day and I have seen that Rihanna, for example, says that balance is impossible. I look to people like Beyonce or like large, successful folks and I get where they're coming from when they say balance isn't possible because they have all of these demands. And we look at our own personal life same thing. Maybe not on the celebrity level, maybe not on the different demands. We've got different things pulling at us, but we're all facing that kind of external for lack of a better word chaos. Even if it doesn't feel like chaos to you, it's still external circumstances. Things are coming at us constantly. We need to sort that out. But balance isn't about being able to maintain everything external to us. It's about being able to maintain and sustain internal composure and finding the balance within ourselves. So here's what I wanna share with you that I hear and that I think of when I hear the term balance as impossible. So I have a three-year-old niece. I have two nieces and one nephew. At the time of this recording, suki is the eldest. She is my three-year-old niece, suki Rose and when I hear that balance is impossible. This is what I feel like I'm doing.
I feel like I'm looking at her, my three-year-old niece, and having to tell her that, as she grows up, that she can't ever expect to live a life full of balance, that balance is impossible for her. That she's never gonna be full of joy, contentment, calm or have a managed schedule in the way that she wants to live her life. That someday, as an employee, a business owner, maybe a wife or a mother, that she will always have to settle for feeling out of balance, for feeling like the external pressures of our society, culture and the world we live in won't allow her to ever feel that sense of grounded, calm, balance in her life, in who she is, how she shows up in the world. That never enough work will get done, there will never be enough time, that she will never measure up how she shows up isn't perfect enough, that she isn't enough. And that's what I hear.
When balance isn't possible and we forget this, we get into our adult narratives, we get into our external circumstances, we get into reactive mode and we show up every single day in that reactive mode and we are responding to our external circumstances and we're letting those external circumstances run us. We're letting them impact our emotions, our feelings, our internal state of being. So that's why I believe balance is possible. Even if sometimes I don't always feel it for myself, I want it to be true for others, I want it to be true for other women, I want it to be true for you, I want it to be true for us collectively, that we can live a balanced life.
And typically it's the pressure that we're putting on ourselves, just like when I was experiencing my burnout, it was the pressure that I put on myself that caused me to feel like I wasn't measuring up, that caused me to burn out, that caused me the emotional, physical, mental stress. That was an external. I didn't get into a car accident. I didn't have any major trauma. There was nothing that happened external to me that impacted my state of being. It was me, and I have had to realize that I am the one in control of that and I have had to take responsibility for that. So I take responsibility every single day of whether I am in balance or not.
0:24:18 - Joanna
That's really interesting. I'm pulling on two different things that you said. The first is that maybe one of the reasons we don't think balance is possible is because we don't quite understand what balance really actually is. So if we think about balance being you're in this perfect state, nothing ever goes wrong. You're never gonna find that Because there is a reality that there are external factors that are going to come into play. You own a home. Your water heater breaks all of a sudden. You have that stress of fixing your water heater, but your mindset towards that fix and getting that done is gonna greatly affect. You can do that in a balanced way. You can also realize I own a home, therefore my water heater might break someday. So I need to be mentally, financially any of those things prepared that at some point I'm gonna have to fix something. You have that control in that way that, yes, there are external things.
One thing about me is I grew up in a household that barely lived paycheck to paycheck, Like our financial issues and inability to pay for it. Some things were very clear to me as a child and I felt that stress and anxiety. And one thing I learned growing up and managing my own finances is that certain things that would send our family into crisis mode were things that in my life, I just learned how to prepare for Getting new tires. If you own a car, getting new tires shouldn't row you into panic mode because you own a car. It might feel like a external factor, but if you own a car, you likely need to get new tires every year or just depending on how much you drive, right? So some of those crises you can almost plan for. But anyway, really, the mindset of balance, how you do that, and then also the ownership of that balance what are you doing? That's creating stress for yourself over committing, saying yes to everything, not preparing for known things that are just going to happen in life, like there are just certain emergencies you can almost plan for because you expect that they'll happen.
One thing I did recently is, as my business has grown and we've been scaling, we've been adding team members and adding things, and all of a sudden, I just felt like I was spending every minute of the day in meetings and not actually having any time to do any work or any thinking, and even with trying to do future planning with my business partner, we were having a lot of these ideas and didn't have any time to talk about them and to figure out how. We were like, what are we doing wrong? And I sat down and I reorganized all of our recurring meetings, our entire schedule, and I was like we have to make this make sense because it's not working and we didn't get more hours in the day. But the way we reorganized our days, all of a sudden it feels like I have more hours in the day Now. I'm sure I'll fill them. I'll do this again. I will. Yeah, I will.
0:27:42 - Michelle
Sometimes we have to learn lessons multiple times, Multiple times.
0:27:46 - Joanna
I know it'll happen again, but I think that's part of scaling a business right. You kind of push yourself to the max and then you have to say, wait, okay, what now needs to be adjusted? And if you don't take that practice to rebalance those things, you're just always going to be in that hamster wheel.
And so I think there's like a mindset shift about what balance actually is. That I think needs to happen, but then also ownership of how we create chaos in our own lives and in our own circumstances where we don't necessarily need to Absolutely.
0:28:25 - Michelle
And I'm glad you picked up that mindset shift piece, because that's what it is. It's changing the way in which we think about balance. It's not about perfection, it's not about juggling everything at once, and I am not Rihanna like Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna.
0:28:42 - Joanna
She actually says that you can pronounce it either way and that depends on your accent and where you're from. So you're good, okay, perfect.
0:28:50 - Michelle
So I am not her. I am not at a level where I am completely maxed out, like I'm not, like I am working in my business. I have certain things that I need to be responsible for. You know, I've got a household, I've got a partner, I've got a family, I've got my dogs. They're just life things that I manage. So I understand that I am not at that place, but I want to build myself up to the point and take every step along the way in the same way that I do this.
Now. They say that you can't manage a million dollars if you can't first manage a hundred dollars. Right, so the similar principle applies we have to think more strategically now so that we can scale, that we can grow, and it's awesome the way that you've taken a step back to look at your calendar, to look at your schedule and realize, hey, I'm bumping up against this issue here. How can I recalibrate, how can I change this? And I can take the initiative to not generate some unrealistic ideal timeframe, time schedule. No, what can I look at? What's unnecessary, what can I delegate, what can I delete? Like they're all different time management techniques and tools that we can use to help you, you know, obtain more productivity in the workspace or to create and regain that time back, because ultimately, that's what it is is like you're reclaiming your time. You're not letting other people, other situations, govern the way in which you spend your time. You're not taking that ownership back, and that's a big part of it.
So, yes, I think it's a huge mindset shift, and then it is just finding the tools, practical application, actions that you can take in order to do so, and then being able to really focus on what matters to you, what those priorities are, and letting that dictate it, so being able to kind of come back to those things and realize before it's too late. So you again, you were bumping up against it and you made the choice to shift Instead of bumping up against it. Bumping up against it, bumping up against it and then running yourself ragged. Running yourself ragged and getting to that place of either burnout, frustration or sickness, disease, because you have overextended yourself and you're over committed and now you haven't figured out a better way. So way to go you.
0:31:20 - Joanna
Oh, thank you. At least I didn't get sick. That happens to you sometimes, but that's another story for another day. So if someone really is ready, they're ready to reclaim their time, reclaim their balance, what should they do if they want to start practicing self care and create balance in their life?
0:31:40 - Michelle
So I have a model that I'll share with you. It's called the I Can Model, but I think the first place to start, based on everything that we've talked about so far, is really deciding that it's something that you want in your life, and that feeds a little bit into the model. But really, one of the things that I often talk about when it comes to balance and this has to do with our language and our thought patterns and the way that we're setting ourselves up in the world is the way that we identify, is the way in which we show up in the world. If I am saying that balance isn't possible, balance is not going to be possible to me. There's no way in which I can believe that balance isn't possible and then experience balance. It just doesn't work that way. So I have to first really believe and have hope and envision and see myself in the state or ways of being of the thing that I'm trying to accomplish. So I think that's the first place to start is that if you do want to practice more self-care, if you do want to create more balance in your life, you need to first realize that it's possible for you and you need to identify that it's actually something that you want, because a lot of things that we work on aren't in alignment with what we want and that creates all of these other problems with our goals and what we're working towards, and it's likely the reason that you haven't been able to do the thing that you've wanted to do so far. So the I Can Model so the first thing is really determining why it's important for you. I mean, even with business, Simon Sinek, they don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it. It's the same thing psychologically for yourself. You're not going to buy into what you're doing unless you understand why you're doing it.
So the I Can Model is ICAN, I for intention, c for consistency, a for accountability and N for neuroscience. So this has to do with behavior change and how you're actually going to implement or do something in your life. That's everything that I focus on. Again, self-care is beautiful to see and it's aesthetically pleasing and it's gorgeous and like we talk about it and oh, this would be so nice, but I am action taker. I am, yeah. Okay, let's talk about the emotions and the feelings, because those are important drivers and motivators. So, really, what is it going to take to see that thing come to life on your schedule, in your day to day life. How is it going to take hold and take place? So the I Intention, why are you wanting to make this happen? This is that understanding of what it is that you're trying to do and what's the motivator behind it.
So we have different motivators in our lives and we need to identify what's going to motivate us. Some people are motivated by money. Some people are motivated by status. Some people are motivated by power. Some people are motivated by relationships and compassion. Some people are motivated by internal gooey feelings of I'm so proud of myself. And other people are motivated by I want to six pack abs and a visually identifiable thing that I've accomplished. I want to be given the accolades, I want to be accomplishing this specific reward. Those are those motivating pieces and you need to determine what's going to work for you, what's the intention behind it, and then it comes down to consistency.
So, starting to plan out, just like you did, Joanna, as you navigated the change in your schedule, you just reoriented when are we going to have these meetings, how long are they going to be for? I'm going to put them in the schedule. It's simple, but it's the practice that we often miss. I want to start working out more. Okay, cool, what are you going to do for that workout? Where are you going to do it? When is it going to happen? Did you put it in the schedule? Do you have buffer time? What stuff do you need in order to make that workout happen? It's all simple, simple stuff, but so many of us don't consider those small pieces and therefore we never actually execute. So what rhythm or cadence will you execute? Is it one time or is it multiple times? And how does that show up in your calendar Accountability?
So the A for accountability is, ultimately, who are you going to be accountable to? It's likely that if this is something that you're working on self-care, balance different practices that you probably haven't been super accountable to yourself yet, and so what that means is do you get a coach? Do you get a mentor? Do you get a buddy? Do you have a membership or a group? What does that look like for you? A coworker, a partner, a friend, a family member, as long as they are actually going to keep you accountable. I typically don't do anything with my family that is of importance to me, because they don't hold me accountable to that. They love me no matter what, which is awesome, and I appreciate that. But we're not getting anything done together, and that's okay. I have other places where I get that accountability.
And then N, in the most simplistic terms, is neuroscience and psychology.
So really, ultimately, you need to be able to plan for whatever positive or negative reinforcement is going to help you accomplish that thing. So if you're trying to implement a self-care practice, if you're trying to establish a new schedule in order to get that balance that you're looking for, you need to say when I accomplish this, I am going to reward myself with this Vacation, buying something, money or time with someone, whatever that looks like. That's your positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is anything that you're going to punish yourself with, anything that you want to avoid. So I have to pay you $1,000 or I have to streak naked through this very important event I don't know Whatever's something that you truly, truly want to avoid that you're gonna try to stay away from. You attach it to the thing that you're trying to accomplish. So this is a simple behavior change model in which you can use to execute any kind of activity, self-care practice, change in schedule, routine or thing that you're looking to do. So I can intention consistency, accountability and neuroscience.
0:37:57 - Joanna
That's such a great model and I love that. It's something someone can come back to If they're struggling to not experience balance. They can look through it and think these are the steps to creating that balance. One of the things that I think is tough with all of this is when you're feeling burnt out, when you have a lot to do, when things aren't good, it can be really hard to take that step back and think through how to fix it. I've said this before.
I've heard people say things before like when I accomplish X, I'll worry about it. So when I've hit this milestone, I'll take some rest. When I finish this one project, then I'll start exercising. When I accomplish this goal, I have, you know, 3,000 more followers on Instagram. Or then I'll take this time to get the rest. And actually my husband always jokes about this with me. I always say, oh, once this happens, we'll have so much more time, we'll have less going on, we'll have less stress. Just, we just gotta get through September. We just have to get through to this particular thing. And when you have a lot going on, that can almost be the hardest time to take the time to fix it. So what is your response to people who, like, just don't feel like they have the time to even think about this stuff.
0:39:23 - Michelle
So I could get into a big discussion here about time management, because that would be the kind of like advice giving slash practical or like sitting in a place of unawareness. Sometimes that I see, especially in the online space, with people giving advice around these topics, is oh, you just need to try the Pomodoro technique or you just need to put this into place, or hey, if you just do this one productivity thing, then you'll be fine and figure it out. And that's just not realistic, especially with what you're saying, Joanna, and where you're coming from of this place of I get it like putting things off for someday or saying, once we get through this or once this happens, is we kind of hinge things on the future, us we say that it'll likely happen at some point and so I'll just invest in that tomorrow. But for most of those of us listening, I'm gonna assume that we've likely heard of time management systems before. We've likely heard of some of these techniques in which we can kind of practically apply in order to create quote unquote more time or to be more productive or more efficient, and so I'm just gonna assume that we might not need those kinds of things. So I wanna talk about the thought patterns, the self-talk, the belief system that we have. That underlies everything that you shared with me.
When I reach this milestone, when I get this goal, when I have this, when I get to this point, once we get through this season, then we will fill in the blank and with that, just as a reflection on it, we are investing in some imagined future. We are looking towards tomorrow, next month, next year and saying that that's when that thing will happen, and it's easy to do, but ultimately, we cannot change anything about the future. We cannot affect next season, next month, next year. We know not what is going to happen. And so the mindset underlying that is that we are invested in always something outside of ourself and we're almost putting the responsibility on that future self. And so some of the things that we've already talked about today are really taking the responsibility, showing up for ourselves, realizing that we have the control, realizing that we have the potential, realizing that we have the capability in order to take the action necessary. Once you do that, you have to realize that the only place in which you can take action is right now, this very moment. That is where action takes place.
We cannot shift or change anything in the past. We cannot change or affect anything in the future. We can set a trajectory I mean, there's a lot to be said about habits and small habits and implementing things now that will shift in effect and change the way that we experience things in the future. We can set that path for ourselves, but ultimately we cannot change, we cannot take action in the past or in the future, and that's where a lot of the anxiety and those feelings of discomfort and those feelings of being out of control and those feelings of being out of balance happen. Anyway, we're projecting into the future or we're reimagining, rehashing the past, things that we could have done differently, things that we regret doing, or we're looking to the future and saying like oh, I'm planning for this to happen, oh, I think that this is gonna happen, oh, when this happens?
And so if we shift the narrative and we shift the thought patterns to be what is happening in this moment, what can I take action on and what can I essentially control here and now?
That's when you start to change the time management, that's when you start to experience the productivity, that's when you start to feel more spaciousness and more time. I just challenge you if you feel out of control, if you feel overwhelmed, if you feel frustrated, to stop what you're doing and take three breaths, three long breaths. That will completely change not just talking about your nervous system or anything. It'll completely change your perspective. Because when you let go of anything that's coming and you focus just here, in the moment, in the right now, that's when you're actually able to fixate on your goals, to be able to control what's happening in your schedule, to be able to live the life that you imagine yourself living in the future. And you don't put that responsibility on future you. You take the responsibility now and decide how you can navigate that and how you can change it and how you can alter it and how you can shift now.
0:44:28 - Joanna
So I'd love to know, with everything that you've shared with us today, what is it that you want our listeners to take away from this episode? The biggest?
0:44:37 - Michelle
thing that I would love you to take away from this episode is that your experience of self care, time management, balance, productivity everything that we've discussed today. It's going to be personal and unique to you, and this is where I feel like we get discouraged, we get disgruntled, we get frustrated and we struggle is when we are comparing and we look especially at social media, at, again, especially in the online space of these business owners making millions of dollars and jet setting around the world are doing these things and to them, four hour work weeks are balance, and it can make us feel like we're in the wrong spot. It can make us feel like we're not doing enough. It can make us feel like, well, what are we doing on a daily basis that's so different? And that's when we can get into that comparison, that judgment, that overwhelm, that frustration, that mindset of feeling like balance is impossible for us or will never be in that place, because oftentimes when we see someone, if we don't see it as inspiration which sometimes it could be inspirational right, you could see this thing and say, oh, I know that it's possible for them, so it's now possible for me and I love that it can be inspirational. But a lot of times, if it creates any kind of envy or jealousy, then there are underlying feelings of doubt and insecurity for yourself, that you feel like you can't accomplish that thing, and that's when you kind of get into that tailspin. So just recognizing that, with a lot of helpful but sometimes hurtful advice in the online space, it's going to be unique to you. So not everybody's content, even mine included, is going to be meant for you.
So recognizing and identifying that your experience is going to be unique.
And it takes a lot of self-reflection, self-awareness, self-efficacy to be able to decide that this is what I'm going to do, to be able to decide that this is my life, to be able to decide that this is my schedule, how I'm investing my time, because ultimately we are made up of time. This is how we experience our lives. Our lives are time moment to moment, second to second, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year. That is time. And so when you can start to feel in charge of your own time, that's when everything starts to fall into place, that's when you feel like you have command over your schedule, that's when you feel like you can practice self-care, that's when you embrace balance as being a part of your lifestyle and being a part of who you are, how you identify and how you show up in the world. So finding that unique and personalized path to you is absolutely critical. Through this action and experience and the way in which you're gonna find that for yourself.
0:47:35 - Joanna
Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us today and our listeners. I definitely feel like a sense of calm and like awareness of my breath, just like hearing you talk, so I really appreciate your perspective here. I think my biggest takeaway from what you share today is that it all starts with your mindset believing it's possible and understanding your why. That it starts internally.
I think I'm a very action-oriented person. I'm like that worst person that if you tell your problems to, I will spit out the solution to you instead of comfort you. That's my go-to. But understanding that for me, when I come up to these things, that I have to change my mindset. But then also, in relating to other people, that if they're struggling with these things, they have to fix their mindset first too, and I think that being such a huge, important part of finding balance and practicing self-care is just such an important thing to recognize and remember that it starts internally. It starts with your mindset. So thank you everyone for tuning in. Make sure you subscribe to her first and leave us a review. What is one thing you can do today to prioritize you first in business and life?
