Michelle Pualani: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to Moments with Michelle, a special segment of the Her First podcast in which Joanna and I are going to be recording our own sessions. So this is just an opportunity for each of us to have a candid conversation with you. No script, sometimes a plan, sometimes not a plan, but really speak to those things that are on our hearts or on our minds at the time so that we can stay connected with you, address some of the things that maybe you're asking.
Michelle Pualani: Thinking about or inform you of kind of what's going on in our minds and in our lives. So today I'm gonna talk about how it feels like when you've been working and working and working and putting in the time and the time and the time and the energy. And the energy and the energy. And spending the resources and the resources and the resources to try to get to where you are going.
Michelle Pualani: And it. feels like you've just been [00:01:00] consistently climbing and climbing and pushing uphill without the quote unquote results that you've wanted or that you've been looking for. And this has been something that has been weighing on me heavily as I feel like through this year, which is 2024, we're just having finished up April, the first quarter headed into second quarter, 1st of May at the time of this recording.
Michelle Pualani: And it just can feel like things aren't going the way that you planned. Everything is great. Like, if you asked me how my life is going, my life is amazing. Like, I feel so incredibly blessed and grateful. But the things that you were working towards, the goals that you set for yourself, the where you thought you would be by this point hasn't been realized.
Michelle Pualani: And I have been doing so much work when it comes to the emotional, psychological, the therapy, the [00:02:00] childhood trauma, the moving through all of the energetic blocks, limiting beliefs, negative self talk that go along with it. And you feel like, okay, in my mind and maybe in a state of delusion, I have this conception, this vision of what I want my life to be like, what I'm working toward, what I'm creating, building who I'm becoming and how I'm showing up in the world and having my business and my life be a reflection of those desires.
Michelle Pualani: But I'm not there, quote unquote, yet. I haven't reached that point, quote unquote, yet. And why not? When? Is it something that I'm doing wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Should I be changing something? And I think I'm starting to realize. that those questions, that doubt, those consistent wonderings of when is it going to happen, what is it going [00:03:00] to look like, how is it going to come about, is actually what's keeping me in this place of quote unquote stuck, quote unquote status, quote unquote whatever you want to call it in terms of plateauing, uh, to a certain extent.
Michelle Pualani: Because I launched my online business about five years ago, and I come from a long experience of teaching and coaching in fitness. And so having spent so many years with students and then moving on to many clients underneath my belt by this point, having launched digital products and programs, run online retreats, done corporate presentations, and like.
Michelle Pualani: I've gotten myself out there to a certain degree. There were launches and things that I put out into the world that felt like they quote unquote flopped. I guess I apparently I say quote unquote a lot. With all of that, I invested in a 7, 500 marketing offer with a firm [00:04:00] that set up a funnel for me, invested 3, 000 additionally in Facebook ads, and zero ROI, zero clients from that particular course.
Michelle Pualani: experience. They were fine. We tested, we retested. It just didn't work out. Hired a coach for 10, 000. Took me through this launch process, it didn't work out, was not a great experience, and paid VAs. I've spent thousands of dollars, like 30, 000 on support, team members, contractors, people who've been helping me.
Michelle Pualani: I tell all of this to you, not to complain, not to say that I'm the victim here, but to process. That sometimes we move through these experiences, especially in business and in our lives, in which we have a certain level of expectation. And when those expectations are not met, we can make it mean things about [00:05:00] ourselves that then show up in other sneaky ways in our lives.
Michelle Pualani: So, I was walking with my husband this morning. We have been going on consistent daily morning walks, which has been such a joy as a way to start the day, as a way to get in a bunch of steps, as a way to get light in your eyeballs before you get in front of your computer screen, and actually giving you the time, the space, the fresh air, the movement before you get into your day.
Michelle Pualani: Really great healthy habit to implement, especially as someone who works from home, is an online business owner, and spends a lot of time in front of the computer. So it's a beautiful process for us in that regard. It's a great way for us to connect as partners, as business owners, and to share what we're kind of going through if we're thinking through ideas, if we're other questions that we haven't been able to yet because each of us [00:06:00] is busy and committed throughout the day.
Michelle Pualani: And then this morning while we were walking, we usually have some sort of beverage with us. My husband makes coffee. I tend to not do caffeine, but I've had a little bit of matcha recently, maybe a mushroom drink, maybe just some tea. Whatever that warm beverage is to kind of start the day with, our morning ritual we take with us.
Michelle Pualani: So as I was walking this morning and trying to drink, of course, whatever it is, that hole in your, uh, That's a lot of hair in your mouth or in your lip and it just falls onto the sweater, into your hair and is a bit of a mess. So that happened as we were walking and whether I tripped or didn't, it doesn't really matter.
Michelle Pualani: It was a spill. And my immediate response is, I can't believe I do that. Oh, my goodness. Why do I do that? And I was internalizing this circumstance or this experience because it didn't meet my expectations of [00:07:00] how apparently I'm supposed to walk and not ever have anything bad happen to me. Which sounds unrealistic when you put it that way, but just imagine all the ways in which you walk around your daily life thinking that, Oh, I bumped into that thing and was really clumsy.
Michelle Pualani: Gosh, why do I do that? I'm so clumsy. There must be something wrong with me. As opposed to, Oh, that thing was in the way and it is a situation. It is what it is and I'm going to move on now. And that might seem simple and just like a daily thing, but what if that translates to everything else that we're doing?
Michelle Pualani: What if that shows up in how we're speaking to other people? How we're talking to ourselves? What if that is actually inhibiting us in business, in our health and well being, in our communication? What we're trying to accomplish, whatever that goal, whatever that want, whatever that desire is for you, whether that's [00:08:00] home life, whether that's financial success.
Michelle Pualani: Whether that's business accolades and growth, whether that's content creation and social media impact. What if those narratives are showing up in all of the ways that we show up? Because what we do one way or in one capacity of our lives is sometimes how we do it in other ways. And he brought that up to me and as someone who feels like they're highly conscious and aware of negative self talk and how I've been working.
Michelle Pualani: in a big way with self compassion over the past several years, it was surprising to me that that's something that I do as an immediate reaction because something is not meeting my expectation. So if I launch something, if I create a piece of content, if I put something out there, I'm making it more about me and my value and my worth by saying I'm doing something wrong, I'm not [00:09:00] good at this.
Michelle Pualani: I should be doing better. I have to should need just putting this pressure on myself in order to succeed or show up in these ways. So how does this relate back to the past few several years of working and trying and giving it my best is that there's been a disconnect. And if you've been feeling this way in terms of the quote unquote struggle, the working time energy resources, I'm putting it all in, but something isn't connecting yet.
Michelle Pualani: Something just isn't flipping on that switch or turning the dial or clicking. Clicking into place in order to make me feel like I have it. What is that thing in between where I am and where I want to be? What is that thing that's keeping me from the reality, the actualization, the embodiment of everything that I [00:10:00] imagined for myself, the vision that I have for my life and what it is that I'm doing.
Michelle Pualani: So taking a moment to reflect and seeing how that language shows up in your life. Are you in alignment? If Is the head, heart, and hands working together? Is the be, do, have model something that is within your everyday life? Has it sunk in yet? Because when I look back at the timeline, I look back at the way in which I've approached my business and approached my life.
Michelle Pualani: It's been in little sprints and I'll get ramped up and I'll do something and then it'll fizzle out and I'll get distracted and I'll do something else and then I'll ramp back up and I'll try this new thing and do this other thing and then I'll fizzle out. And so we go through this experience sometimes of back and forth and ebb and flow and zig and zag.
Michelle Pualani: And you've seen that line before of the business owner, what we think it should [00:11:00] look like, which is a steady line kind of thing. growing a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, and then that exponential growth. But really, it can be all over the place. It can be a curly Q, it can be an X, it can be a loop here and up there and down there, and it could go off the page.
Michelle Pualani: Really, it's about releasing the expectation of what it should look like and giving yourself permission to embody the journey, embody the process, embody your experience along the way independent of the outcome, result, or expectation that you're trying to meet. So instead of getting so caught up in why hasn't it worked for me by now?
Michelle Pualani: What was I thinking and doing during that time? I can't believe that this hasn't worked already. I'm embarrassed about what has happened in the past and therefore I cannot take the action to try to do to risk to [00:12:00] put myself out there again for fear of exposure.
Michelle Pualani: Experiencing that embarrassment again, and then builds the doubt, the insecurity, the imposter syndrome, and every single limiting belief that you are working so hard to get away from. What does it take? I think it takes action more than anything else. Strategic action, ideally, but sometimes it just takes action.
Michelle Pualani: Energy creates energy, movement, momentum, getting going, doing. And even if you don't have a clear path or strategy just yet, that's okay because it will come and you will figure it out as you go. And it's less about getting the steps right, but instead just taking them in the first place and then releasing that expectation.
Michelle Pualani: My launch that I [00:13:00] felt like was a flop did great based on the numbers But I was so caught up in the expectation of how it was supposed to go I was supposed to make hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was supposed to reach this many people I was supposed to get X number of clients. It's good to have goals It's important to be working towards those things and have those wants and desires But we have to become more neutral and detached from the outcome so that we can appreciate, we can embody, and we can be present in the moment, the journey, and the steps that we're taking along the way.
Michelle Pualani: and that way is the way that we avoid overcomplicating, overthinking, overanalyzing. which opens up the space to do the thing that you've been avoiding, procrastinating, judging, comparing, or trying to overly control, whatever that thing is. You know exactly what it is, whatever [00:14:00] first comes to mind.
Michelle Pualani: So, as you bring that thing to mind, how can you release the judgment around it? How can you release the expectation? How can you instead think of simplifying? Think of action? Think of doing it without worrying about the perfection that needs to be right. Everything needs to be in the right place in order to do this.
Michelle Pualani: Let it go, and see what that brings up for you.
Michelle Pualani: So thank you so much for tuning in. This is Moments with Michelle, Just a raw, unfiltered, and candid conversation with one of your hosts of the Her First podcast, prioritizing you in business and life. I'll see you in the next one.
